May 2013
When I die, I want someone to keep updating my...
sodamnrelatable:
People be like
“It’s colder than i thought it would be in hell.”
“Send food”
“Didn’t anyone tell them I’m claustrophobic?”
“Umm…you guys…can you like…dig me up…I’m 6 feet under the ground in a coffin with my phone so uhhh yeah…”
“Omg, Satan is so funny!”
“Hell isn’t that bad, at least you get internet :)”
“Hitlers a badass!”
“I’m gonna stop by some of your houses, see...
creampuffface:
mightyenarc:
tin-pan-ali:
mightyenarc:
tumblr famous fits the 6-6 format
you could have a fantroll named Tumblr Famous
his lusus is the fluffy chicken
WHEN THE HECKY DID YOU DO THIS I MISSED IT ENTIRELY
Your name is TUMBLR FAMOUS. Some people send you ANON HATE on your BLOG but those BITCH ASS PUNKS are just jealous that your LUSUS is the all mighty FLUFFY CHICKEN.
snow-angel-castiel:
aangnog:
probend:
PE is 5% exorcise and 95% embarrassment
what kind of gym class do you have that exorcises their kids
zapppping:
just-another-puzzle:
markohppus:
bceky:
markohppus:
giving birth is essentially just like pooping except out a different hole
are your poops covered in blood and start screaming and crying
only after i eat mexican food
olé
omg
flyinginafriendshipship:
what if church was called jesuscon
brvdleysoileau:
how is “slut” even an insult wtf get that dick grl
angrynerdyblogger:
do you ever just “what the fuck is the point” so hard that you stop everything you’re doing and stare and pretty much wonder why you don’t vanish from existence because the level of done you are should pretty much deconstruct your biological makeup
matzoballer:
your mama is so fat that - wait she’s not really fat actually she’s kinda hot… hey tell your mom i said hi
“Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone...”
–
When Strangers Click, a 2011 documentary about online dating.
It reminds me of that famous Margaret Atwood quote: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” It also reminds me of something written by one of the mods of Sex Worker Problems: “Misandry...
saverockandroll:
cause of death: music festivals i cant attend
nishlo:
nishlo:
CARTOONIST FOUND DEAD IN HIS APARTMENT
DETAILS ARE SKETCHY
sacaswagea:
u should all date me haha ????????
oomshi:
*whispers in your ear during sex* thanks for being my one note
starxapple:
the ships that i end up investing myself the most in are the ones where at first im like, “meh i guess i can see that” and then somewhere along the line my brain just fucking snaps and i cant control myself its like a demons possessed me and im going 900mph to hell
shnks:
cedricdigory:
conorgaynard:
theres a difference between shipping and being fucking insane
this applies to both tumblr and amazon.com
peregr1ne:
my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
johnfkennedy:
ibukl:
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
if you’re ever feeling lazy just remember that the ancient greeks believed their gods lived on top of a very climbable hill but no one even bothered to check
A 9,750 FOOT TALL MOUNTAIN IS NOT A VERY CLIMBABLE HILL
its climbable if you believe
suchagaymer:
jerkidiot:
if you eat a chicken and egg sandwich, you’re basically eating one thing at different times of its life
like when you eat a baby and an elderly person at the same time.
